Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just found puke in my bra..
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
