I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
