Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
