I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
