So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
