Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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