the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
