Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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