I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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