So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Randomize
