i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
