New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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