I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I showed him my bush... on skype.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
