I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
