I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
