i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
