I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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