I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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