I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
