is your mom at the bar?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
