I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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