Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
