I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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