I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
being pregnant is like rehab
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
