Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
