he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
