My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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