i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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