Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My ATM looks so different sober.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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