I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My ass is underappreciated
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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