hotel room ftw
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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