Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We are two peas in an std pod
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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