just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
