Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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