Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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