I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
