before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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