at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
