Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
