so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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