you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
