I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
