Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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