I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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