You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
