HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
