There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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