Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
