So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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