Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
