Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
