I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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